


The story of us (told through a mirror glass)

by Inspirationfeedscreatiivity



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Brother-Sister Relationships, Children, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Falling In Love, Family, Flashbacks, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Toddlers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-09-12 16:02:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9079675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inspirationfeedscreatiivity/pseuds/Inspirationfeedscreatiivity
Summary: The story of how Clarke became a part of Lexa and Aden´s family





	1. Part 1

_Her small, practically non-existent smile was what intrigued me. “So you´re the one.“ To be completely honest, it might have been the beaming light in her green eyes that grabbed a hold of me. I had always had a thing for eyes. She pointed to the takeaway cup in my hand as she said, “I believe that one has my name on it.”_

_With confusion I turned the cup around and yes, the green eyed girl was right, the name written horizontally on the cup wasn't mine. Lexa, I read quietly for myself._

_“Don't blame me. You're the one who left your coffee unsupervised,” I replied and took a sip of its content. It was strong, stronger than my usual coffee order._

_“Well, then,” she said and stepped up to me, she reached behind me with those green eyes locked on mine, piercing through me. I was absolutely aware of how her bode pressed up against mine for a second before she stepped back again, now with what I could only presume was my cup in her hand. She turned it in her grip until she could read the name written in red ink. “Nice to meet you, Clarke.”_

 

The rain patters against the windows; it's a calming sound in the darkness, the only sound apart from the one coming from my arms. The child´s body fits in my embrace like a puzzle piece I never knew I wanted to keep, at least not yet, not like this. His breathing is the only sound I´m listing out for, the only one that matters. He´s sleeping, soundly and ever so peacefully. I can see the resemblance, although, I might just be making it up in my mind. After all, he's a toddler and most toddlers don't look like anything in my eyes. Just cute. Not him, though. He's mesmerizing, and he looks just like her. A smile fills up my lips when his small hand grabs the white fabric of my shirt in his sleep. When he tugs the smile only grows bigger and I have to hold back a heartfelt laughter.

“For such a little man, you've got a lot of strength,” I whisper and caress his cheek. After rocking him for another couple of minutes his grip loosens and he tucks his face into my chest.

Nothing has mattered more than this.

_“Can I ask you for a favour?” Her raspy voice cut through the voices coming from the laptop in front of us._

_“Sure.” My gaze was plastered on the screen. It had been her idea to put on a French movie, one that was supposed to make me want to brush of my high school French, but all I had been doing was reading the subtitles. God knew, I wouldn't have been able to figure out what the story was without them. Then she decided it was a good time to start a conversation in the middle of it when I had finally gotten around what the main character was up to. Typical._

_“Can you watch Aden tomorrow?” she asked and pulled my gaze from the laptop to herself. Those green eyes found mine, there was no hesitation in them, there was only warmth and love. She smiled, ever so slightly, but only for a moment before she bit her lip. She couldn't have been more obvious if she held up a sign, but pointing it out to her wouldn't do any good. I knew that much, so instead I nodded._

_“That´s not a favour. It´s my pleasure,” I told her. She nodded as well, her gaze already turning to catch up with the movie, but I could see the way she was trying her best to control her breathing. Sometimes, she could be so silly._

 

The front door opens slowly and she slips through the opening, if I had not been sitting in the living room I would never have heard her coming in as quiet as she is. Her clothes are muddy and there are wood chip stuck to her slip and wet brown hair. Still, there's a grace over the way she carries herself. Even after a whole day of working on the building site in the rain she looks ready to walk into a meeting with the board. I for one would not notice her clothing. Her authority, that is the first thing I´d notice and then her eyes. Always her eyes.

“Everything ok?” she asks and brushes back a lock of hair that has escaped its tight braid.

“Yeah. He´s sleeping right now.”

She has untied her shoes by the time I´ve retrieved my bag from the couch, but she stays by the door as I put on my Converse and black leather jacket. Once I'm done she pulls the door open to let me out, as always, and I smile goodbye as I leave down the stairs. Only, this time it's different. I can´t hear the door shut behind me. Nor can I hear her talking to one of her neighbours; that is the only reason I can think of why she´d leave the apartment. I must be imagining it, I think to myself and ignore the tug at my chest the silence has provoked.

The scent of rain lingers in the air, that´s what welcomes be once I reach the street, and just like that I stop. Right there in the middle of the street, just to breathe. It's chilly, but it's nice and it smells of rain. It´s perfect. I tug the jacket tighter around my body and set off towards my car parked down the street. The buzzing in my inner pocket forces me to let the cold in as I reach in to grab my phone.

“Hi, sweetheart. It´s me,” says the familiar voice as soon as I´ve accepted the call, before I have to time to answer.

“I know, mom.”

“I´ve been trying to get a hold of you the last couple of days,” she continues and I sigh as quietly as I possibly can, a knot already forming in the pit of my stomach.

“It´s in the middle of the semester, I´m busy most days,” I tell her and regret it when her reply meets me.

“Too busy for your own mother?”

I stop behind my red Ford Mustang. It wasn't my choice, it used to be my father´s, but when he passed I decided that the colour didn't matter. All I wanted was a piece of him and this car had been that piece since I could remember. For all I cared cars were a waste of space and global warming. Yet again, if I ever got into trouble and had to dramatically change my life this car would be the last thing I´d give up. Hell, I've already spent more nights sleeping in its backseat than my dorm bed.

“I´ll call you back more often, I promise,” I whisper with my other hand following the lines of the car. It's not as much of a promise to her, more one to him. To the family we once were.

“That´s all I ask.”

I don't feel guilty. Not anymore. A year of being away from home has given me a new perspective, a much needed one. Ending the call though, I no longer have the want of doing much of anything. So when I pull up the house to find people everywhere, music playing from multiple speakers on the porch and a keg parked on the lawn I struggle with not turning back around again. I sit quietly in the car and just breathe, with the drunken huddle of students dancing as entertainment. When I finally get out of the car I fear for a moment that it won't be left alone, but yet again that´s a constant fear of mine. One I´ve learn to accept, just like disappointment and loss.

“Griffin!”

I look up to the second floor windows, in one of them I find my rather energetic and drunk roommate grinning from ear to ear. “Raven,” I yell back and gesture to the people around me. “Something you should have told me?”

“Oh, yeah, we're having a party.”

I huff. “Where´s O?”

The smile on Raven´s face turns into something wicked and she licks her lips before pointing down towards the kitchen. I steer that way, pushing through the crowd, and just like Raven claimed I would, I find Octavia in the kitchen. Doing a handstand. At least not over a keg, this time. The crowd cheers and Octavia takes a bow as she lands on her two feet again, a grin plastered all over her stupid face. That grin, however, fades a little when she lays eyes on me.

“Clarke, you're home early,” she tries and I scoff.

My gaze flows through the room, I recognize most of the people here, or rather I believe that I´ve seen them in a similar setting before. The knot in my stomach is still very much present from the brief conversation with my mother, but so is the needed to live. To let go. I find myself looking at Octavia again, her own eyes watching me as for a reaction, and so I shake my head.

“Where´s the tequila?”


	2. Part 2

_“How did it happen?” I asked whispering. Both of our gazes focused on the sleeping child in his cradle. I had been meaning to ask her earlier, but always ended up not. How long should one wait in a new friendship before asking how someone's parents died? Although, I didn´t know if they were dead, all I knew was that weren't around._

_She took her time, lips pressed together in that stern expression of hers, fingers tugging absentmindedly at the hem of her shirt. “My mother was a victim of a hit and run,” she started. “She was on her way home from the hairdresser.” She stopped for a moment, a smile touching her lips. “It was the first thing she did after they were released from the hospital, she left me at home with my new-born little brother and she went out to get a new haircut.” The memory seemed to spark a kind of happiness in her eyes, but it dimmed as she continued, “after her death my father buried himself in work and ignored all parental responsibilities.”_

_“I´m so sorry, Lexa.”_

_She ignored my response, fingers once again fiddling at her clothes. “He was absent for the greater part of Aden's first two years. Then, last January, he announced that he´d be going abroad to tend to the business in Asia. Last time I saw him he handed me a credit card and the key to his apartment. Aden had already been living with me so he didn't have to make any extravagant arrangements. It was a clean cut. Clean and easy”_

_“Shit. That´s…”_

_“Fucked up? You bet.”_

_“Sorry, I just, he gave you a credit card?” I asked, while trying to wrap my head around what she'd just told me. She nodded, eyes still turned to the cradle. “Then why do you struggle like you do with work?”_

_“Architecture is a passion of mine, Clarke. I want to do it. Besides, I don´t want his money. He lost all interest in Aden and myself, no amount in the world could make that okay,” she said with a small smile on her lips, her gaze filled with love as she watched her little brother turn in his sleep._

_“So you don´t take his money.”_

_I watched as she remembered, it was so clear- the way her gaze turned distant._

_“I thought I'd never get over the pain, but I did.”_

_“How?”_

_“By recognizing it for what it is. Weakness,” she told me with confidence. Her words may have been harsh, but they were far from malicious. She believed them, that was obvious. “He was weak. My mother was his everything. She defined him, made him come alive, then she died and so did he. Letting someone else have that power over you, that is weakness.”_

_“That´s just dark,” I replied. I couldn't say that I agreed with her, not on all accounts at least, but it wasn't my place to judge considering my own past and current relationship with my mother._

_She led me out of the bedroom, closed the door silently behind us with the baby monitor in her other hand. When she looked back at me a hollow laughter rolled of her tongue. “Not the story you expected?”_

_“No,” I had to admit. We sat down at the kitchen table, the coffee still brewing on the counter. The quiet that fell over us wasn't uncomfortable or forced, much like most times with her I felt myself relax into the silence. I watched her thoughtful expression, the way she hunched forward to lean her head into her hands. “Thank you for sharing it with me,” I said and those green eyes flickered up to meet my blue ones._

_“Thank you for listening.”_

 

I'm five shots in, a sixth in my hand filled to the rim. It goes down like water and stings as fire. Raven cheers and slams her glass down onto the table, while Octavia tries to shake the sting out of her head. Raven’s cheering stops abruptly and she ducks her head down a little, drawing both Octavia’s and mine attention to herself. I follow her gaze, when mine lands on what she's looking at, or rather _whom_ she's looking at, I duck down as well. Of course, I think to myself, he's never missed a chance to drink his stupidity away.

Octavia’s laughter is what draws me out of my thoughts. “Thank god I didn't sleep with him,” she jokes and both Raven and I huff.

“That would have been something”, I reply with a smile tugging at the corner of my mouth.

“I can't believe you cheated on me,” Raven says and stamps my arm.

She wears a wicked grin when I meet her eyes and I shake my head. “Ey, I didn't know you existed.” I flip my head back around to watch him, just in time to catch him leaning close to a redhead’s ear. “Hell,” I continue with a sense of relief spreading through my body, “had I met you first I would have fucked you instead.”

“Goddamn the world is cruel,” Raven sighs.

The younger girl gages next to Raven. “You're disgusting”, Octavia jokes.

“You want in on it,” the older one replies. She then leans close to Octavia with her eyes locked with the younger girl. “Admit it”, Raven teases and tickles Octavia´s side. Instead of answering Octavia pulls the other girl into a deep kiss. I roll my eyes and pour myself another shot of tequila.

When they've decided to stop locking lips the younger one changes the subject, “how come we haven't seen Lexa the last two weeks? I miss her serious face around here.”

The name pulls a smile to my lips, although Octavia’s question reminds me of the fact we haven't been hanging out as much lately. “She's got a lot on her plate right now,” I tell them.

“Anything we can do?”

With a shake of my head I pour shots for the girls too. “I'll tell her you said hi.”

_She slipped me two hundred bills over the table without a word, causing me to look up in disbelief._

_“I don't want your money.” I shoved them right back to her with a steady hand. She only shook her head with a smirk on her face._

_“Clarke,” she said and grabbed my hand. “It´s yours, take it.”_

_I narrowed my eyes looking straight at her, and then I took my other hand and placed it over her so that hers was entrapped in mine. As I turned my other one I pressed the bills against her palm._

_“You don't owe me a penny,” I told her and manipulated her hand to clasp around the bills. When she opened her mouth to answer I squeezed her hand harder. “Lexa.”_

_She laughed, wholeheartedly. “You are worse than Aden. You're too stubborn for your own good,” she said with laughter tainting her voice, referencing to my stubbornness._

_“That´s why you like me so much.”_

_“I guess you're right,” she agreed and I let go of her hand._

 

It´s the sound of giggling that pulls me up from my bank otherwise deep sleep. The heaviness in my body is unwelcomed and so is the pounding headache I feel coming on. With a grunt I manage to sit up and with a series of them I rub the sleep out of my eyes.

“What time is it?,” I mumble, mostly to myself, before looking around to find myself sitting on the living room couch with both Octavia and Raven on the other couch. Raven looks completely knocked out from the way her mouth hangs half open. Octavia on the other hand tightens her grip around the older girl sleeping to keep her from falling off the edge.

“Nine forty-five,” comes the answer from the younger one before she nuzzles her face into Raven´s chest.

“No, no no,” I mumble as I jump up from my seat. The stiffness in my legs forces me to take a moment to find me balance, but only a moment, then I´m running up the stairs. “Fuck.” It takes me a good five minutes to search through my room before finding my bag and another couple of minutes to find the notes I´ll need for the second lecture.

“Don't forget your-,” Octavia starts as I run past the couch, pulling me to a jarring stop.

“Fuck!”

I go back upstairs to grab the memory stick from Raven´s computer and then rush back downstairs and out the door with so much as a word of goodbye.

“Good luck, Griff!”


	3. Part 3

_Dark clouds hung heavy in the sky, threatening to send down hell any second. The thought of it made me cringe, if there was something I could do without it was a storm. My nerves were on already edge as they were. The strap of my bag dug into my shoulder from the extra weight of the cup trophy. It had been our turn to keep it, and of course Raven and Octavia had claimed that they had no room for it in their own bags, so I had to carry it in mine. As I walk out from the stadium, set to get to the car as fast as possible and get this weight of me. And avoid the oncoming rain. I slow down though, when I find Lexa waiting just outside the gates with a stroller._

_“Hey,” I greeted her excitedly. “I didn't know you'd be here.”_

_She embraced me in a quick hug and I then turned to Aden. “He's been fussy all day,” she told me with a sigh._

_“Because he misses aunty Clarke, isn't that right little man,” I replied with a smile on my lips as I tickled his side and gained a goofy smile in return._

_“Oy, that wasn´t yesterday,” Raven shouted from behind me._

_As I stepped back to Lexa´s side I turned around to see the pair coming towards us, hands clasped between them, wearing matching sweaters. It sure was a sight for sore eyes to see them together. There had not been many good things that came out of all the drama surrounding Raven and myself, but I was glad that this was one of them. Octavia made Raven happy in a way I could have only dreamed for her, a way that she had many times admitted that she hadn't been before._

_“You look like a stereotypical lesbian couple,” Lexa teased and I nudged her shoulder in agreement._

_Octavia narrowed her eyes to Lexa. “Do I have to lecture you on labels? Again?”_

_With a grin Lexa held up her hands. “Sorry, not lesbian. Just stereotypical.”_

_“Better,” Octavia said and let go of Raven's hand to lift Aden up._

_Raven wore a brilliant smile and couldn´t take her eyes off of her girlfriend and the boy. Lexa shook her head at them. I knew she agreed with me - they were a good thing._

_“We're going out for pizza. You coming?” I proposed while three of them were busy and the grin on Lexa´s lips turned soft as she nodded._

_“I'd love to.”_

 

I slump down on the bench with a thud, very well aware of the glare professor Jaha sends my way as I do so. If it wasn't for the fact that this class was mandatory I wouldn't show my face here, ever, but luckily he has had the pleasure of having me in his lectures every Friday morning the past two months. I for one can't wait for finals week so that I can finally get this class over and done with. Jaha has a reputation of failing a third of his classes each semester and this far he has lived up to that reputation. Although he´s very particular about attendance, he has yet to fail me for sleeping through his lectures. Which is why I get as comfortable as I can, eyes darting to the side to find Monty already fast asleep next to me. Hopefully an hour and a half of sleep will knock the headache right out of me.

 

_She was peaceful. When she slept, that's when she was peaceful. It was the only time I got to see her relaxed. Well, not really but it had been some time since I last saw her that calm. I couldn't say that I didn't understand her, I too knew all too well the feeling of having the whole world on my shoulders. Only, I had only had to care for myself. Lexa always had Aden in her thoughts, no matter what, I knew that because it was evident in her eyes. Whenever she thought of him her eyes were shaded with shadows of guilt, and I had yet to see those green eyes of her stay unshaded for longer than short moments. Still, she was asleep on the couch. Her arms hugged a maroon coloured pillow tightly to her chest. I could count her breaths by watching the pillow move up and down ever so slightly. It was a deep sleep, a much needed one by the hint of bags beneath her eyes. I had turned off the TV when I caught her head slump back and was instead scrolling through all the social media apps I currently had downloaded on my phone, trying to be as still and quiet as possible. It was a rarity that both siblings slept, the few times I had spent the night at Lexa´s apartment she had never been able to sleep when Aden was sleeping at night, and the even fewer times she actually did sleep Aden was up with me instead. We had found a pace together, a way to get through every day more or less together. It was new, all of it. I wasn't dependent on anyone, hadn't been since I left the comfort of my childhood home, hadn´t wanted to be with the fear that dependability would be the thing that broke me. With her it was different, with them I could find myself wanting to come back and stay longer. With Aden and Lexa, I had found a reason to depend, so I did - I depended on their love for each other and the chaos of their life to keep mine sane. It was a weird feeling, not uncomfortable, just new, to watch her sleeping face and not want to leave._

 

The screen blackens as I click through to the last slide and I turn of the full screen mode. In the madness of yesterday and all the tequila I had completely forgotten to edit the last version of the PowerPoint I had to present today. I'll have to thank Raven and Octavia if I get an F. I had to skip lunch, leaving my stomach churning, but it was the only option that got me just enough time to finish up and prepare one last time. Hungry or not, I can't let this presentation be anything else but perfectly executed. It is with relief I get up from my spot on the windowsill, the computer tucked away and the memory stick safely placed in my pocket. Maybe I can get through this day, I think to myself, even with a crippling headache. I turn around to head down to the lecture hall only to turn right around into someone's arms.

“I'm sorry,” I apologize since I've braced myself against this person.

“Don't sweat it, Princess.”

The nickname forces me to look up and meet a pair of dark brown eyes. Puppy eyes, as Octavia so many times has called them.

“Finn,” I exhale dryly and step back, away from him.

“What got you all grumpy?”

I roll my eyes without thinking, my mind occupied with coming up with all the different ways to erase that smug look smudged all over his face. Or rather erase him, permanently.

“Babysitting.”

He laughs, irritatingly and all. “A child got you that tired?” he asks and leans against the wall, obviously determined to not move out of my way.

“He´s a wildling, what can I say,” I reply with a shrug of my shoulders and push through the stream of students going the opposite direction just to get away from him. Just get through today, I tell myself with my fists cramped at my sides.


	4. Part 4

_“You're absolutely sure about this? I could call Lincoln.”_

_“Your cousin it tutoring Octavia, he's got his hands full as it is,” I reminded her, but she wouldn't let down._

_“He could still-,” she tried but I interrupted her before she could say something even more ridiculous than that Lincoln would babysit. He already is, I thought to myself, and Octavia is a greater challenge than Aden by a longshot._

_“Lexa, I said that it's okay.” She still opened her mouth to protest once more but remained quiet when I kneeled next to the boy playing with a fire truck. “We're going to play and study, in that order. Right Aden?”_

_The little boy looked up at me with the most joyful face and held out the truck for me to play with him as he answered with incoherent sounds._

_I looked up to catch Lexa watching us with a gentle expression. A warm gaze met mine and for a moment I thought to myself that she was tearing up._

_Her expression caught me off guard and I didn't know what to do other than turn to Aden again. “You're going to be late,” I reminded her._

_She didn't answer me, all she did was leave and I listened out for her footsteps as she walked down the hall and out the front door._

 

My head is pounding by the time I've stepped out into the mid-afternoon sun. To say that my mind has been preoccupied the last couple of weeks would be an understatement, which is why it tastes even sweeter to lay another assignment behind me. The only thing that could make me feel even better would be some sleep, there hasn't been much of that lately. I have myself to blame for that. Well, not entirely. There's always someone else's fault too, but I can only hold myself accountable. At least when it comes to this. My eyes remain closed as I turn to face the sun, the sunlight caresses my skin with a deep and soothing heat. All I need is some sleep and sun, something other than thoughts and obligations. Hadn't it been for the buzzing in my back pocket, which draws a grunt from my lips, I would have fallen asleep leaning against the building. I reluctantly force myself to take out the phone and at least check who´s trying to get a hold of me. I'm almost disappointed when I find that it´s just an email from one of the professors about the assignments for next week. Closing the email, I see that I have a new message as well and when my eyes read the name of the caller ID a smile spreads itself over my lips. A soft and genuine smile.

**From A. Woods: Hey. I´m sorry about this, but could you take Aden today? Only if you have time of course. If I haven't heard from until three o’clock, I'll call Lincoln. /Lexa**

It´s silly. Completely and utterly idiotic that something as small as a text could hold such a great value. That a few words on a screen could erase all signs of exhaustion and irritation. Even though she is the reason for the chaos within me, the storm of thoughts in my head and the bottomless doubt in my core, she can still do this. Maybe I've taught my body to associate happiness with pain. With loss. Still, no one has such a power over my temper and mood like that green-eyed girl.

**To A.Woods: Of course I'll get him, don't worry.**

Without thinking twice about it I'm already on my way to the west end of town. All I know is that of all the things in the world I only need that boy and the forest green of his eyes to find something that resembles peace. It´s a mystery how I ended up in the situation I'm in. I for one didn't see it coming, see _them_ coming. A lot has changed since I started college, most of them for the better and the best being the Woods siblings. When I first met Aden I was sure that Lexa had been fooling me when she´d said that he was her little brother, because he looked just like her, just like the kids she would have. When she made it clear that it was impossible that he was her kid, telling me about of men never been her taste, she only grew greater in my eyes. I still can't, for the life of me, understand how we've ended up here. In this situation. I hate that she feels like she must apologize, as if she´s been in the wrong, when in fact I can´t tell her no. She´s not to blame for any of it, of how I felt or how I still feel.

_The red wine tasted too good. It had been forever since we last had a moment for ourselves, a moment to simply sit and talk like normal people. It was late. We had stretched into the early hours of the Friday to come and by the look of the half full bottle on the table between us the night was far from over. The first bottle had gone empty within the first hour, what had then followed was just as long time spent talking and laughing. With the occasional silence to listen out for Aden Lexa had been relaxed and talkative, but as the hours went on she grew more and more silent. I could see her mind fall into deep thought. I waited for her to break through the surface and return to me, but after a half an hour of watching her I had to ask._

_“What´s on your mind, Lex?”_

_Her green eyes, bright even in the dark of night, looked up from where they had focused on the table. That colour had the ability to transfix me, no matter the hour. She sighs. “I don't want to leave him more than I have to.” It sounded more like a confession than anything else, like something she had yet to let out to the world or herself. “I'm taking it day by day at this point.”_

_“I know how hard that is for you. You´re doing all you can,” I said and reached over to caress her arm comfortingly. “Better than most.”_

_“It´s how I survive,” she told me and kept those green eyes on me when I scoffed silently._

_“Survive.” I shook my head. “Maybe life should be more than just surviving. Don't we deserve better than that,” I said sarcastically. I for one could only hope that our reality wouldn't be something to survive, but experience. To cherish. As I sunk deep into absentmindedness, my gaze falling to the table, I felt the slow strokes of Lexa´s fingers over my arm, from my wrist up to my elbow._

_“Maybe we do…” she whispered in the softest of voices, drawing my eyes back to hers._

_It happened so quickly, yet as in slow-motion. One moment I saw green and the next those eyes were hidden behind closed eyelids. One moment we sat a table apart, comfortably on our chairs, and the next she had risen from her seat and pulled me closer to her. Her face was flushed against mine and the taste of her lips was bitter from coffee. Lexa kissed me, ever so softly and gently. Her nose brushed against mine in that fleeting second when I could draw for breath. It happened so quickly, from one moment to the next, but in that breath it fell into place._

_I drew back, chest heavy and lips craving more. “Lexa, I-” I tried to find the right words, the right reason to not fall back into her, into the vast warmth of her embrace, but all I found was green and the confusion that filled it. I opened my mouth to explain and as if on cue the sound of Aden´s crying reached us, drawing both our attention to his door. We waited for him to settle and fall back asleep, but is strained cry wouldn´t cease. I glanced over at Lexa, caught the tension in her jaw before she nodded quietly and then got up, leaving me somewhat perplexed and confused myself._

 

A rerun of Gossip Girl is on, playing in the background as I'm tidying up after dinner. The door to Aden’s room is on ajar and through the slim opening I can hear him sleeping soundly. I peek through the door every other time I pass it on my way to the kitchen and every single time my heart flutter with love. It's getting late, I can feel it in the tension of my shoulders and the slight headache coming on. Against my better judgement I pour another cup of coffee and retreat to the couch.

The door opens not long after I´ve gotten comfortable and I can hear Lexa´s rustling as she takes of her shoes and jacket. I turn off the TV to come meet her, but as I stand my eyes fall over her and her figure. She looks completely wrecked, dirty and muddy from top to toe. Worst of all, her hand is wrapped in bandages just as dirty as herself and a shiver moves down my spine at the sight of it.

“What happened?”

I´m up and by her side the next second. She looks down at her hand and puts on that stern look I absolutely hate. I drag her to the couch by her other arm and instruct her to take a seat before I sit down on the coffee table and unwrap her hand.

“It´s nothing,” she claims, but squirms when I carefully take her hand. I shake my head, well aware of her rolling her eyes at me and then sighing. “It's my own fault, I should have checked that the pipe had cooled off… It really hurts when you do that,” she admits as I feel around the blistered area which I´ve uncovered.

“These are not sterile. Let me change them,” I tell her and go get my bag, she watches me quietly as I pull out new bandages and some aloe vera gel. I look her over once more before reaching for her hand again, the warmth I feel spreading through my body is caused by her. I know it is. I´ve known for some time now, but as she sits before me, wrecked and wounded, it becomes more evident than before.

She hums in pain as I apply the aloe vera. “A warning would have been nice.”

“Warning.”

She laughs. Like actually laughs and this bright, big and adorable smile fills up her lips. “Think you're funny?” she says, but quickly quiets and squirms once again.

Her quiet worries me, because she of all people isn't one to cave in for pain.

“Try and avoid using this hand for a couple of days.”

“Oh I wasn't planning on it,” she answers and I smile back at her when our eyes meet. “Thank you,” she continues as I rewrap her hand.

“Just don´t try and pay me for it, okay.”

She reaches forward, surprising me by doing so, and pulls up my head with a finger under my chin. Those deep green eyes stare back at me and I can feel it in my core. I can feel everything. “You're special, Clarke.” Her finger travels up my jawline until she has cupped my face, her palm is soft and gentle.

It´s in her eyes. The want. The waiting. The utter struggle, one she won´t lose.

“Lexa.”

She bites her lip. Hard by the looks of it, eyes still locked on mine, but then that piercing gaze flickers down lower and the tug at my chest is caused by it. She wants to kiss me. “Tell me not to,” she tells me like she´s read my mind and I can't help but hear it as a plead.

My chest has turned constrained and I got to fight to find enough oxygen to answer her, let alone find words to do so with. “Lex… I can't,” I answer in a whisper and that green gaze finds my blue one again.

She holds her ground, for all I know determined not to make the same mistake twice. God knows, I saw the disappointment in her the last time as clear as I see the wanting now. She won't do it. Won´t let herself hope to be met by the same action, by the same want. Although, that is what she would be.

So, I kiss her. Hard and slow, to make sure she feels all of it. All my desperate need for her. All my regret from the day she last kissed me and how much I´ve missed her touch since then. And it´s nothing I thought it would be - it´s hard, slow and makes my lungs scream for air and my head spin. And she tastes of mint, like the breath mints she has been eating like candy lately. And all of her fills me up in that one kiss.

“You were right, Clarke,” she says as she pulls back ever so slightly, with her lips brushing over mine with every word. Those green eyes lock onto mine again, one lonely tear tumbling over to dance down her own cheek, and her thumb brushes over my cheek. “Life is about more than just surviving.” The smile that fills up her whole face pulls me back in and the taste of her lips on mine has me intoxicated.

 

**Author's Note:**

> find me at inspriation-feeds-creatiivity.tumblr.com


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